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Kendimden Özür Dilerim Miraç Çağrı Aktaş

\r\n

Fazla iyi niyet, insanı kendinden özür dilemeye mecbur bırakır.

Öyle zamanlar yaşadım ki ne konuşarak anlatabildim kendimi ne de suskunluğum karşılık buldu.
Şimdi geçmişe dönüp şöyle bir bakıyorum da kimler için yormuşum kendimi.

Herkesin “o alışkın, o halleder, o affeder” dediği kişi olmuşum da bir tek kendime zor gelmişim. Herkesin her şeyi olmuşum da bir tek kendimi hayatın içinde unutmuşum.

İnsan bunu çoğu zaman geç fark eder. Başkalarına iyi davranmayı erdem sanarak yaşar; anlar, tolere eder, susar ve sonunda taşar.
Ama bir gün herkese gösterdiği anlayışı kendinden esirgediğini anlar. Hep güçlü kalmaya çalışan insan, en sonunda kendi sesini duyamaz hale gelir.

Kendimden Özür Dilerim bir suçlama kitabı değil.
Bir hesaplaşma hiç değil. Bu kitap; kendini ihmal ettiğin yıllarla yüzleşme, kendi değerini yeniden hatırlama ve kendine geç kalmış bir özrü yerine koyma çağrısı.
Çünkü insan bazen başkalarına değil, en çok kendine haksızlık eder.

Ve bazen iyileşmek, kimseden değil, kendinden özür dilemekle başlar.

Bu kitap, kendimizi ihmal ettiğimiz yılların, görmezden geldiğimiz kırgınlıkların ya da üstünü örttüğümüz acıların hesabını tutmak için yazılmadı.
Onların varlığını inkâr etmeden, kendimizle yeniden temas edebilmek için yazıldı.
Çünkü bazen iyileşme, bir başkası bizi anladığında değil, kendi yaramıza ilk kez ciddiyetle dokunduğumuzda başlar.
Bu sayfalar, “Artık yeter,” demekten çok, kendine geç kalmış bir insanın sessiz ama dürüst bir yüzleşmesine eşlik eder.

Belki okurken, yıllardır taşıdığın yüklerin sana ait olmadığını fark edeceksin.
Belki içindeki o sessiz çağrıyı ilk kez bu kadar net duyacaksın.
Ve belki de ilk defa, kendine şunu söyleyebileceksin:

“Kendim... Sana geç kaldım. Özür dilerim.”

$\"www.entegrabilisim.com\"$

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